


Darling, Can't You Hear Me?

by brooklynbis



Series: Harry's Adventures With 'The Pissing Evil'. [10]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Chronic Illness, Diabetes, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Protective Louis, Sickfic, diabetes is a bitch, diabetic!harry, diabetic!harry au, louis is a great boyfriend, set in various years, supportive Louis, type one diabetes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 03:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19845082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooklynbis/pseuds/brooklynbis
Summary: Some days, he didn't let it bug him. He was a very positive person, so he just saw it as part of his day, his routine, saw it as medical advances keeping him alive being a good thing. He would just go about his day as normal, without even really thinking about his regular blood tests and injections.Yet, some days, it consumed him. And he hated it.______________AKA 3 Times Harry had bad days with his diabetes and didn't tell anyone, and 1 time he did.





	Darling, Can't You Hear Me?

**Author's Note:**

> this fic can link to any in this series so far, but it is not essential to read those ones to understand this.   
> again, this is mainly based off my own experience here (very heavily in fact). all systems used will be british as I'm from the UK, hopefully that doesn't get too confusing for anyone. I essentially love pushing my own feelings and situations onto characters since I cannot get this comfort irl lmao.  
> trigger warnings : mentions of blood tests and injections  
> title from 'SOS' by ABBA because that's what I was listening to lmao  
> comments, feedback and kudos would be appreciated if you enjoyed, plus any prompts which you can leave in the comments or in my tumblr ask box @/brooklynbis

1\. Pre 2010

His diagnosis had been hard. He had been diagnosed before he had even been a teenager, his childhood ripped away at the young age of ten. Suddenly his life was filled with carb counting and injections and blood tests and constant anxiety. Going through secondary school, he’d always been envious of how easy his classmates lives were. He was envious of how they could eat at lunch without a care in the world, could do their exams without having to plan for every eventuality, could do a sports lesson and not worry about dropping low. They didn’t have to worry about overcompensating that by eating and then ending up with high sugars anyway. They didn’t have to worry about any of that, and none of them even seemed to realise how easy their lives were in that aspect. 

He knew that was unfair. 

He knew it wasn't their fault that they didn't understand how lucky they were, and he'd never wish his illness on anybody. But it didn't make it any easier to deal with. 

Some days, he didn't let it bug him. He was a very positive person, so he just saw it as part of his day, his routine, saw it as medical advances keeping him alive being a good thing. He would just go about his day as normal, without even really thinking about his regular blood tests and injections. 

Yet, some days, it consumed him. And he hated it. He couldn't bring himself to care enough to do the blood tests, to give the injections, to eat. He wouldn't really move, would eat food without injecting or testing and then ending up with high bloods later, which just made him even more miserable. 

Today was one of those days. 

"Earth to Harry?" He blinked his eyes back into focus when he saw Gemma waving her hand in front of his face. 

"Hm, sorry?" He asked as he picked up his fork again and slowly ate another bite of the pasta that was on his plate. 

"Mum was asking about your audition song," Gemma said, as he turned his head to his mother and only saw her frowning. 

"Have you done your bloods Harry?" Anne asked as Harry sighed. 

"Harry, come on now. You need to do your blood sugars, you'll go high if you don't!" Anne scolded as he rolled his eyes. He couldn't stand people pestering him on his bad days. 

"And I suppose you haven't done your injection either?" Anne presumed, and took Harry's silence as an answer. "Why not?" 

It was at this moment that Harry put his fork down, quickly pushing back his chair. 

"Harry, you need to test!" He heard Anne call after him as he left the kitchen, making a beeline to his room. 

It was later that evening that Gemma knocked softly on his door. He didn't bother responding, or getting out of his bed to let her in, but she let herself in anyway. 

"Mum said you need to test," Gemma said quietly, sighing when she didn't receive a response from the lump under the duvet. "Did you want me to do it?" 

Harry could help but roll his eyes before abruptly sitting up. He wanted to accept the help more than anything, but he knew his mother would tell him off for being lazy, and he knew he shouldn't be this way. 

"Give it here then," he said, almost snatching the bag from her as she tentatively held the bag out, not moving as she watched him huff and sigh whilst testing. 

"There, tell her I'm 11.2. Now leave me alone." 

He didn't breathe properly again until he heard the door firmly close behind his sister, when he let his body deflate, staring at nothing in particular. 

He knew he was being ridiculous. 

________________

2\. 2010

It had been a very long day, one that Harry knew was going to be bad from the start. He could feel the starts of a bad day settling in his system the night before as he tried to sleep in his small bed, Louis' snores opposite him being the only thing that could lull him to sleep. 

Today was the day of another X Factor performance, the first one in which Harry would have a solo. He had such awful stage fright the first few performances that he couldn't stand the idea of a solo, but they really pushed for it this week, and Harry would not be the reason the five of them left the competition early. 

"Harry, focus! You cannot afford to screw this up!" One of the vocal coaches, Matt said to him as he rubbed his eyes and grabbed the bottle of water sat against the wall. 

"He's just nervous," Liam said as Matt sighed, shaking his head as he paced. 

"There's no room or time for nerves, boys. This is all or nothing, and if you want a chance to stay in, he needs to get it together. Talk some sense into him whilst I'm gone," Matt gestured to Harry, who was sat on the cold floor slowly drinking from his water bottle, staring at nothing in particular. 

Harry didn't even blink when he felt somebody sit down next to him, not even needing to look to know it was Louis. He hated how he was feeling at the minute, but somehow his feelings for Louis filled him with warmth, and that managed to override everything else. He knew Louis didn't feel the same, he knew Louis only viewed him as a little brother he had to look out for, but he liked to indulge the dream of it occasionally. 

"Are your sugars bad Harry? Matt's getting really pissed at you," Niall frowned as he watched Harry rest his head on Louis' shoulder without a word. He had told the band about his diabetes after the first week, when he ended up having a panic attack before the results show that was only made worse by a hypo. 

"Nah, don't feel very well. I'll do better," Harry mumbled as he took another swig from the bottle, emptying it before screwing on the cap carefully. 

"Are you sure you can do this? If you're not feeling well..." Zayn veered off, as Harry's gaze snapped to him and he lifted his head. 

"I'll be fine, this is going to work. I'll make it work," Harry said as his frown deepened, only relaxing slightly when he caught Louis' gaze, who gave him a comforting smile. 

"Go back to the house, boys. Harry, you need to practise before tonight. Don't screw this up for everyone else for your own ego," Matt instructed as he entered the room again, and none of the boys hesitated to grab their things and leave the room, Louis swinging his arm around Harry's shoulder casually as they walked. 

"You alright?" he asked casually, not looking at the younger boy as they walked. Harry just nodded, relishing the feeling of the hug from Louis, even if it wasn't in the way he wished it was. 

"Yeah, I'll do better tonight. Promise," Harry sighed as Louis shook his head. 

"I wasn't talking about that Haz. I think you're doing amazing already, you're not gonna screw it up," Louis told him. Harry didn't bother with a reply, instead moving to climb into the car, not protesting when Louis sat in the seat next to him. 

_________________________

"I told you!" Louis said excitedly as the five boys made their way backstage, Louis tackling Harry into a hug as soon as they were out of the way of the audiences. They had smashed their performance of Something About The Way You Look Tonight, but Harry could only hope that his shaking hands weren't picked up by the cameras. He couldn't tell whether the unsteady feeling in his chest was from a hypo or from nerves, even after the performance, but he wasn't going to cut this short for that. 

Harry couldn't reply to him, only squeezed his abdomen tighter, smiling when the rest of the boys joined the hug and made it a group hug. 

"Harry, a word?" He heard a voice, carefully pulling away from the hug until he could see it was Matt who was asking to speak with him. He felt a couple of hands pat his back in support as he moved away, following Matt as he began to walk away from the group. 

"What was wrong this afternoon?" he asked once they were far enough away, making Harry frown in confusion. 

"Nothing, why?" 

"Because watching you perform that was like a totally different person. Don't get me wrong, it still needs work, but that was a total transformation mate," Matt said as he crossed his arms, making Harry shrug. 

"Dunno, wasn't feeling very well this afternoon?" he said, presenting it as more of a question. 

"Either way, we need that kind of performance every week Harry, it made the girls go crazy even more so than usual. Keep it up," he replied before clapping him on the back and walking away, leaving him stood there alone. 

"What did he want?" Liam asked as Harry shrugged. 

"Just what changed from this afternoon to just now," he said as he made his way over to one of the sofas in the room, sitting on it and resting his head in his hands. He knew he should probably test, but his exhaustion was still there, even if it was masked by pride in that moment. 

"Did you need to test?" Niall asked curiously as he watched Harry. He knew they meant no harm, he knew they just wanted to look out for him and wanted to make sure he was okay, but he had been pretty much independent since he was a teenager with this. He wasn't about to give people a reason to call him lazy now. 

"Mhm," He hummed as he nodded, closing his eyes, even though he didn't make a move to go and get his testing kit. 

He didn't open his eyes again until he heard Zayn sit down next to him and unzip the case he had grabbed from Harry's bag. 

"Just give me a minute and I'll do it," Harry said, frowning when Zayn ignored him and attempted to set up the kit anyway. Had it been any other day, Harry wouldn't have cared so much but he hated feeling like such a burden. 

"I said I'll do it," He snapped as he grabbed the bag when Zayn put the strip in the meter the wrong way. He could feel the uncomfortable silence he had created settle over the five of them as he did the test rather forcefully before chucking the bag onto the sofa and leaving the room. 

If he couldn't accept their help, he didn't want to be around them. 

________________

3\. 2013/2014 ish 

Harry didn't move from his bunk that day. He knew their schedule was clear until the concert that evening, so this burnout could not have timed itself much better. 

Except he and Louis were meant to be spending the day together. 

Due to their busy tour lifestyle, they rarely managed to make time for the two of them despite spending every day together and they had been planning how they were going to spend this day for weeks. 

And now, he could barely bring himself to move from the small bunk he had crammed himself into the night before. 

"Hazza... You're sleeping the day away babes. Are you okay?" he heard Louis quietly say as he pulled back the bunk curtain, gently rubbing his warm hand up and down Harry's bare back. Harry nodded, even though he didn't turn around, knowing the daylight wouldn't mask the blank expression on his face. 

"We've arrived anyway, so we could go to that restaurant in a bit before the concert? I know you were really looking forward to the pasta dish we found on their online menu," Louis encouraged hopefully, only making Harry feel even more guilty for ruining their day off. 

"You can go with the rest of the boys, 'm not feeling it," Harry mumbled in response. 

"They're all going to the gym when we were meant to be going out. If you don't wanna go, that's fine, I'm sure we can find something else to do," Louis replied, as Harry huffed and pulled the covers further up his back. 

"Just go to the gym with them then, I don't wanna do anything," Harry told him, hearing no response except the curtain being pulled back further on his bunk. 

"Okay, budge over. I'm gonna cuddle you until you're alright again," Louis decided. When he didn't get a response, he gently tapped Harry's back, getting his attention. 

"Lou, I love you, but why aren't you getting the bloody hint to leave me alone?" Harry said exasperatedly, not seeing the hurt look on Louis' face. 

"Okay. You can come find me when you're ready," Louis said quietly before drawing the curtain back across the bunk without a word. Harry couldn't help but let out a couple of tears of frustration at his own anger. Louis never deserved that, especially not when he didn't even know why.   
________________  
4\. 2017

Harry could feel it before he even woke up that morning. He could feel the heaviness of his limbs, the tiredness of his mind. He was curled up in Louis’ arms, hands curled up into loose fists from where he rested, half slung over Louis’ body. And he was awfully aware of his surroundings. 

He knew he was in their bedroom, in their bed after a long time of touring. Louis has finished the X Factor a couple of weeks ago, and today they had planned to do their Christmas shopping that they hadn’t yet started on. He could hear the rain on the large window in their bedroom, and he could hear the quiet clicks of Clifford’s paws against their kitchen tiles as she moved around. 

And yet here he was. Feeling too awful to move without a justified reason. 

He knew that today was possibly one of the best days to be feeling like this though. They weren’t doing anything important today, he could push through some mindless shopping. This was better than past occasions. 

“I can hear you thinking, go back to sleep,” Louis murmured, breaking the silence. 

“Sorry,” Harry whispered back, trying to snuggle back into Louis’ arms. 

“What’s the time?” 

“Like 9:30 or something like that,” Harry replied as Louis sighed and opened his eyes, smiling when he saw the mass of curls just beneath his chin. Even though Harry had cut his hair, he still had some curls and Louis loved it. 

"Did you think of anything you wanted to buy for Gemma today?" Louis asked him, gently linking his fingers with Harry's still ones. 

"Not yet," Harry replied quietly, not really bothering to raise his voice. 

"We should probably get up in a minute before the shops get too busy," Louis commented, waiting for a moment before slowly untangling himself from the sheets. 

"I'm sure there's room for two in the shower!" Louis called in a singsong voice as he left their bedroom for the bathroom, knowing Harry would be right behind him at the idea of sharing a shower. Even now, it was the little things in their relationship. 

He only became concerned when he entered the bathroom and Harry didn't follow him in. He frowned, slowly going back to the bedroom quietly, seeing Harry in the same position in the bed as when he left. Without a word, he walked over to Harry's side of the bed and sat down on it, gently placing a hand on the lump under the duvet. 

"What's wrong Haz?" He asked quietly. After nearly being together a decade, he could pick up on the smallest of Harry's worries now. 

"Think it's gonna be one of those days again," he mumbled, making Louis strain to hear him, but once he did, he understood. 

"That's alright, we can go shopping another day, or go online if you want to?" Louis suggested, grabbing Harry's testing kit without being asked, knowing that responsibility had been passed to him for the day. He nodded at the idea of moving shopping, rolling over and sitting up a little bit when he heard Louis fiddling about with his testing kit. 

"I love you a whole lot, you know that right?" Harry said as Louis gently took his hand and selected one of his fingers that didn't look too bruised. 

"Well, we've been together nearly a decade Haz, I do indeed know that you love me, just like I love you," Louis chuckled as he continued with the blood test, gently wiping the blood off Harry's finger when he got a good number appearing on the machine. 

"Right, you set up something on the TV if you want to, I'll go and get my laptop and make us some tea, yeah?" Louis offered as Harry nodded, smiling when Louis ruffled his hair before leaving the room. 

When he got downstairs, he greeted Clifford and gave her some food and topped up her water bowl before putting the kettle to boil. He was glad that Harry finally trusted him enough to admit when he was having off days - he could never fully understand what Harry went through with his diabetes, but he would always love him and support him through everything it threw his way. 

He could remember all the times Harry had off days and never told anybody about them. The days when he'd get snappy, or just needed to be left alone with no reason why. The days when every little thing got on his nerves. Slowly, as he became more comfortable with Louis and the other boys, those snappy days turned into clingy days, but they still never got explanations about what was going on. Until Louis did, and suddenly everything began to make sense to him. He could remember the first question he asked Harry when he was told about his off days ("What can I do? How can I help?") and he could remember Harry crying in response. 

The kettle whistling at him interrupted his thoughts, prompting him to make the tea and grab his laptop, tuck it under his arm before grabbing the two mugs and allowing Clifford to follow him up the stairs - she could always cheer Harry up. 

"We've got a visitor," Louis called as he walked along the hallway, kicking the door open with his foot and smiling when he watched Clifford jump onto the bed in excitement at seeing Harry. 

As he settled back into bed with Harry, Harry was quick to snuggle into Louis' side, slinging an arm across his stomach, watching as he opened his laptop and typed in the first shop they planned to go to. 

And so that's how Harry spent his day. Shopping online, watching TV shows and letting Louis take care of him. It was what he always wished for from when he was diagnosed, but he never thought anybody would care enough to help him like Louis did. And now he had that, and it was perfect. With Louis, these days would always be bearable.


End file.
